Like most, I play games to have fun, at least for the most part. At the same time, I also don't really care about achievements and trophies. Of course, I know they're a good thing to have simply because they do add more replay value to a game, but that doesn't mean I'm going to actively go out and try to get them.
But when it comes to special in-game challenges... I have to beat them. I have to get as close to perfect as I possibly can. I HAVE TO FINISH THEM! It's just that sometimes these challenges are so time consuming and difficult that the reward never really seems worth it. Here are just five of those challenges.
One Noble Is Getting Their Teeth Kicked In
When you play a Final Fantasy game that isn't Theatrhythm, there's probably a single thought running through your head at any given time. That thought is probably "Man, this game could really use some Dance Dance Revolution type gameplay." Well, your thoughts were somehow heard and implemented into Final Fantasy IX. Prepare to regret everything.
The gameplay is really just a Simon Says sword fight. Blank yells out what button you press and you press it. Doesn't sound hard at all, right? Well it isn't. It's the judging that happens at the end of your fight. If you missed a single button press or even pressed the right button (just a little slower than you should have) then you could end up impressing 99 of the 100 nobles watching you.
What kind of play has the actors yelling out every scene before it happens?
You could have a perfect show and still manage to only impress 99 nobles. And this is the kicker, if you fail to impress all 100 nobles, then you don't get a Moonstone after your performance. This means you won't be able to learn Shell in the early levels of the game and it makes a future boss fight a hundred times more difficult than it should be.
So your only choice is to go back and try again. Over and over again until you finally impress every single person in the audience. This could take one try or a thousand. You just don't know. But you have to get that Moonstone if you want to avoid a headache in the very near future.
The Zelda Race That You Can't Win
First, lets talk about rubber band AI. It's essentially a tool that lazy developers use to make people like me angry for no reason. For those of you unaware, here's what rubber band AI is. When you get too far ahead in a racing game, your computer opponents will shoot forward at hyper speed and ignore all obstacles.
This is effectively known as cheating. But at least with this form of cheating you can still win whatever game you're currently screaming at. This same thing cannot be said for a race in The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time. A race against the running man that you can literally never win.
I wonder how many hours were wasted by people trying to beat him.
I'm okay with impossible challenges. That isn't the problem I have with this race. The problem arises from the fact that the running man will always beat you by exactly one second. Close enough to a draw that you might make the mistake of thinking you can actually win.
And it certainly doesn't help that he tells you to try again. No matter how fast you are, you will never ever win. Even if you use a Gameshark or other such cheating device to stop the clock at one second he will still beat you by one second less. You get no reward and there is no point to race him.
Electro Shock Therapy In Final Fantasy X
We're back to Final Fantasy with yet another "minigame" of sorts. And boy is this one as fun as it is time consuming! *Note: Sarcasm doesn't translate well through the written word* This sidequest requires you to dodge 200 randomly occurring lightning bolts. In a row. Without saving.
It's almost like you're really watching paint dry!
You're probably already reeling back in terror at the thought of doing something so mind numbingly boring. Why even do this sidequest, you ask? Because it is the only way to acquire Lulu's Venus Sigil. Now, dodging the lightning bolts isn't exactly difficult and can be done in only half an hour if you use a glitch.
But if you mess up even once or take a break or accidentally stroke out and forget you can't save, then its over. And also if you count the strikes wrong. Say you dodged 199 in a row and went to claim your prize. Instead you would get the reward below the top prize and have to do it all over again.
Some Things Just Aren't Worth It
Dead or Alive 5 has quite a number of challenges that just are absolutely not worth it in any way shape or form. No matter what unlockables you might get, you just can't make me even begin to want to try to get them when you consider the requirements involved. Oh, you don't know? Well you're about to.
First of all, there are the game's many different titles. You unlock them from beating the game, losing too many times, unlocking a certain number of costumes, yadda yadda so on and so forth. There are also titles gained from using a character online 1,000 times. Every character in the game has one of those as well.
I stopped having fun thirteen thousand fights ago.
So to get the achievement of all titles unlocked, you must play online in 25,000 different matches. I don't really care about titles however, so let's move on to the rare costumes. There are three in total, and each one is more crazy than the last. But nothing beats out Lisa's rare costume.
To unlock it you must beat survival mode about four or five times in a row to unlock the hardest difficulty. You must then beat 100 opponents in a row on said difficulty without being knocked out even a single time. Using the dumbest tactics possible I managed about 20. I'm never unlocking that costume and I hate anyone who even dares to try it.
Actually Using the Wii Fit
Have you ever gotten a piece of exercise equipment that you swore you would use only to stuff it in the closet and hope you don't make eye contact with it while you down that second case of ice cream dibs? That's what the Wii Fit is kind of like, only it isn't real exercise equipment and I didn't actually want it.
But I have family members that did want it. And no amount of reasoning could get them to see reason. They wanted that hundred dollar chunk of plastic and I was going to have to get it for them. To be fair, the thing is kind of fun. Every gimmick is kind of fun though.
Try it out? Quit being so obtuse.
Despite whatever fun you might gain from a gimmick, it will always become boring at some point. Usually right after you realize that jumping on a piece of plastic for an hour just to have it say you're fat isn't exactly all that great.
So now I have that really weird doormat sitting in a closet, mocking me about that time I wasted all that money on it. I can't trade it in because then it wins, but I can't be bothered to actually use it. And have you ever tried to get another person to enjoy something after it has called them fat? It doesn't work.
What are some gaming challenges that exist just to enrage you personally? I know everyone has at least one thing that puts them over the edge and makes them want to figure out a way to kill their TV, so why not talk about it in the comments below? As always, thank you for reading.