Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  

Microsoft Announces That Xbox One Has Been Cursed [Satire]


Jared

Microsoft dug up more than just an old urban legend out in that New Mexico desert. Back in April of this year, Microsoft funded an expedition into the desolate New Mexico wastelands to search for the long fabled trove of E.T the Extra Terrestrial cartridges buried in an ancient landfill in the hopes that it would help advertise an Atari documentary that the company had in the works.

 

Their expedition was a success, but reports coming out of the electronics giant have revealed that the cost was far greater than they could have ever imagined as it becomes more and more clear that the curse placed on the crypt of Atari games was as real as the trove itself. The ancient curse had first manifested itself as an ominous warning to the archeologists the moment they had broken through the concrete that sealed the games and curse in their endless prison.

 

gallery_5_6_66172.png

 

Gamers are advised not to open Xbox One boxes if they are hissing.

 

The long, shrill scream that was heard was written off as "the wind" at the time as the crew continued excavating until they had undeniable proof of the treasure trove that had lay beneath them resting in their hands. Now, two months after the fact and a startlingly large rash of disappearances over such a short period, Microsoft is finally admitting that their company just might have a problem with the supernatural.

 

While different members of the board have admitted poltergeist type activities going on, Microsoft's CEO Satya Nadella continues to dismiss the curse as a bunch of hokey pokey and the many disappearances as nothing more than coincidence, he has had a much tougher time explaining why so many Xbox One consoles have transformed into bundles of snakes and locusts, or why such ominous clouds have been hanging over the Microsoft headquarters seemingly suspended in space, unmoving despite how windy this last month has been.

 

How the curse might effect Microsoft's E3 presentation or investors is still unknown, but journalists and game designers have been advised by the tech giant to bring any luck charms and protection spells they might have into the conference hall with them, and to know where the exits are at all times.

Sign in to follow this  


User Feedback

Recommended Comments

There are no comments to display.



Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×