So, Gabe Newell on Gametrailers TV came and went back in August. There was no surprise announcement. Gabe Newell didn't kick off a massive alternate reality game that would ultimately end in the first ever world wide trailer for Ricochet 2, and we didn't get any information about Half Life 3. All of that was pretty much expected to not happen.
But what really bummed me out was the distinct lack of insane theories linking every single second of Gabe Newell's screen time to some sort of clue about Half Life 3's imminent reveal. I mean seriously, come on guys. People will jump on a random 404 screen on the Steam website and make up a million reasons as to why it means Half Life 3 is coming, but you've got nothing for the sharks? Well guess what. I don't need you! Hold on to your tin foil hats because things are about to get crazy.
As I said above, nothing related to Half Life 3 was revealed during Gametrailers trip to the Valve headquarters. And no matter how many times Geoff Keighley asked Gabe Newell about the long awaited sequel, the only answer he would receive would be about how much Gabe Newell hates sharks.
I love that I didn't have to make this myself
And also he would be swimming with them! Boom, there's your first hint (because why not) Gabe Newell is swimming with sharks. But not just any sharks, Gabe is swimming with great white sharks. And of course Gabe won't just be exposed out in the elements surrounded by giant boneless monsters, he'll probably be put into a cage... or a box.
You have to see where I'm going with this. Gabe Newell is making a game based around sharks Gabe Newell is going to announce the sequel to The Orange Box, titled simply The White Box. Get it? Great Whites, cages are a type of box? No? Well screw you! Somebody has to think up these crazy theories and make connections where there aren't any!
Haha, this is never going to get updated on consoles
Going on with the shark theme, a Great White doesn't reach full maturity until they're fifteen years of age. That is half their life! And half of their adolescent life is seven and a half years, the amount of time that has passed since Half Life 2 released! Gasp, its all starting to make sense! Still no? Well how about this next piece of shark based trivia?!
A great white shark has a never ending supply of teeth! No matter how long you wait, you will never ever get a shark's final tooth to come out! Wait... that isn't all. When you go diving with sharks it is more common to see the guide using fake bait to get the shark's attention. They advise against releasing the real stuff to the sharks for a multitude of reasons...
So... uh... the sharks teeth will never really come out because they're always being developed and sharks are constantly being baited along with no chance of ever getting anything substantial... Well then. Sorry folks, but the shark theory apparently goes both ways. So according to great white sharks and Gabe Newell, you will either never get Half Life 3 or you'll get it when its done.
I didn't learn anything!
I'm not quite sure how to end this one, so I guess I'll leave a message for all of you people out there coming up with crazy theories about Half Life 3. Next time you see Gabe Newell make an announcement, you write up why it must mean Half Life 3 is coming because my insane theories seem to point towards it never coming out. Don't drop the ball next time! As always, thanks for reading.