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The Four Horrors You Didn't Know About Mario


Jared

It's fair to say the Mario series is more kid-friendly than most games out there. Always has been, always will be. Or has it? There have actually been a lot of strange things creeping into one of Nintendo's biggest franchises since the very first game.

 

While most everyone is familiar with the easter egg/glitch that appears to show Luigi dead from a supposed hanging in the Gamecube title Luigi's Mansion, there are more horrors awaiting those of you willing to investigate deeper into Mario's world. Here are just four horrors for your reading entertainment.

 


 

The Ghosts Of Hell Valley

 

When you think of Super Mario Galaxy 2, does the name "Hell Valley" come to mind? How about horrifying little goblin monsters watching Mario from afar? No? Well they're there. And they're watching you all the time no matter where you go.

 

As long as you're in the Shiverburn Galaxy, that is. Throughout the entire level you're being watched by three tiny silhouettes off on the edge of the map. They never go away and they're never even mentioned. They're just there... Watching you.

 

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Seriously... Just why do they exist!?

 

You must be wondering, "Why are they called the ghosts of Hell Valley if they're found in the Shiverburn Galaxy?" Well, that name was given to them by a few users who just couldn't leave them well enough alone. They dug through the game's files and found the image of the watchers. The title of the skybox?

 

BeyondHellValley. An area that of course does not appear in the game. The figures themselves are titled "HellValleySkyTree." but you look me in the eye and tell me those things are freaking trees. I dare you.

 


 

Mario Is A Serial Killer

 

This one goes all the way back to the original Super Mario Brothers game. Ever since the very first game in the series, Mario has been killing the inhabitants of the Mushroom kingdom. Don't believe me? Look up the original Super Mario Brothers instruction booklet. It'll hold the answers for you.

 

 

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The secret is murder

 

For those of you who don't want to look it up, I'll explain it to you. THE BLOCKS ARE PEOPLE! Every block you break throughout the game is a person who was turned into a brick by the Koopas. Those are (or were) people Mario is smashing apart in each level.

 

Why do you get points for smashing them? Because just like the goombas you've been stomping on throughout the game, you're killing the inhabitant. Where Bowser merely imprisoned the kingdom's people, Mario committed full on genocide.

 


 

Pretty Much Everything Is Alive

 

Think about what happens when you get a power up mushroom in the Mario games. What exactly happens when one appears? Do they just pop out of the ground and wait for you to pick them up? No, of course not! They run.

 

They run because Mario is going to eat them. While it might not be apparent due to the mushrooms and fireflower (also alive) disappearing when Mario uses them, but make no mistake. Mario is eating them. He even talks about how they taste. Apparently he doesn't like them, but he needs their power.

 

 

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I LIVE MERELY TO DIE

 

To continue this horrible trend in a world obviously not worth living in are the Bob Ombs and Bullet Bills. They're literally born to die. A Bob Omb will either sleep until their fuse is activated or just march itself to an immediate death after it is born.

 

And Bullet Bills have it even worse. We know that Bowser uses normal nonliving cannon fire, so why does Bullet Bill even have to exist? He's released out of a cannon and all he can do is watch as he hurdles towards his demise. He has arms so he can obviously do more than explode, but the game won't let him. He is destined to die along with every one else in Mario's way.

 


 

Toad Can Freaking Pull His Head Off

 

Toad's head is a mushroom. We all know this as a fact. Nothing you say or show me will change that. But now I'm going to show you something that will rock your world and change your perception of reality forever. That image comes courtesy of the Super Mario Brothers Show.

 

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This is somehow worse than the Hell Valley image

 

Yep. That's Toad pulling his head off as if it were a hat. This is the only time throughout the entire history of Mario where you see Toad taking his head thing off. Up until this point, that thing on his head was always just his head. But this changes things.

 

Deep down, we all know Toad is some tiny weird egg thing that's clearly trying to masquerade as a member of the Mushroom Kingdom. Or they all look like that. What is wrong with the Mushroom Kingdom's inhabitants? Why do Mario and Peach look normal, but everyone else is mutated in such strange ways?

 


These are just a few of the horrors we know about the Mario Universe. There's plenty more that can be dug up, but you won't see me trying. Especially after the discovery of Hell Valley. What do you think of all these horrors? Why not post in the comments below? As always, thanks for reading.

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