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Being 50 Cent: Blood in my Shoes

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Harrison Lee

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blog-0890289001361391810.pngHeroes are the ultimate archetypal foils to everything that is considered “evilé. They stand against criminals, villains, demons, and entities that are considered inherently bad. In pop culture, the hero is the greatest thing a person can aspire to. Video games follow a similar pattern, featuring heroic characters who defy all odds to save the world, win the girl, and blow away the baddies in cinematic fashion. The hero I“d love to be has none of those storied qualities; he isn“t noble, amiable, or gracious. My hero is brash, abrasive, and downright cold when he wants to be, because that“s how he rolls. If there“s one hero I truly wish I could be, it“s 50 Cent from none other than 50 Cent: Blood in the Sand.

 

Fiddy is about as heroic as a testosterone, steroid-induced, gun-crazed rapper gets. He wins my vote because of his pure awesomeness. When players tackle the great Blood in the Sand, they find themselves in Fiddy“s ripped off shoes. His payment for a random concert in the Middle East doesn“t come through, the replacement diamond-encrusted skull is stolen, and a whole army of generic terrorists is after Fiddy“s head. Solution? Kill everyone while screaming as many four-letter profanities as humanly possible. Fiddy doesn“t even try to be subtle; he points guns at his allies, knifes mercenaries after breaking their arms, and listens to his own music as a background soundtrack. He“s the most self-centered bad boy in the universe, and I love him.

 

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Fiddy“s power stems from his seemingly bulletproof body. As legend has it, Fiddy has survived more gunshot wounds than most soldiers do in the worst parts of Afghanistan. Blood in the Sand allows Fiddy to take at least 500 shots before a lick of health is lost. Meanwhile, Fiddy can enter a Matrix-esque bullet time (called Gangsta Time) and assassinate entire battalions of enemy fodder. It“s fantastic to listen to him mutter about someone stealing his skull as he rams a shotgun down someone“s throat. Fiddy also has back-up in the form of G-Unit. For some reason, his whole music crew seems to be packing more heat than the entire US military, and boy do they use it! With Fiddy“s invulnerability, great music, and toughened G-Unit, there“s no reason not to bet on him in a fight.

 

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But not all that glimmers is skrilla. Fiddy“s attitude is about as likable as a mule that repeatedly kicks you in the nuts. He“s hilarious to listen to, but absolutely no fun to work with. I would be a nicer guy so I could get in good with the arms dealers. After all, you can“t trust anyone in his world. I love his bulletproof bod and oodles of ammunition, but I would be a better person. I would also limit the amount of times I call someone derogatory names, considering how many Klaznikov rounds they empty on me. And yes, Fiddy really does call them Klaznikov“s. I guess I should add proper English to the list, eh? Well, I“ll probably still keep the colorful language since it just sounds puerile and cool.

 

Is 50 Cent heroic in the least? Probably not. I mean, he made his own video game because he felt like it. As if he wasn“t legendary enough in the rap scene, he just had to immortalize his “gangstaé life in a weird Gears of War meets The Club third-person shooter. What kind of hero asks for his own statue while holding the sculptors at gunpoint? Fiddy. But I can“t argue with the amount of bad guy blood he leaves in the sand.

 

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