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Jerk Arena of Time: What I'd Do Differently If I Were In Link's Boots



In The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Link is a time-shifting hero chosen by the gods to save the land of Hyrule from the most evil man in existence. Yeah, that“s cool and everything, but don“t you think he“s also kind of a ****? I mean, while he does go down in history as a legendary hero, that won“t stop people in his world from perceiving him as a vandalizing, time-wasting, cucco-abusing kid/teenager. If I were in his boots, I think I would do things a bit differently to avoid being seen in any negative light…



Put Down the Pots and Stop Stealing Rupees!




“In Hyrule, residents have a tendency to stash their money in antique pots they apparently all have plenty of. Knowing that, why am I holding a pot over my head? Was I honestly about to go around smashing them all and stealing other people“s hard-earned rupees?


“No, I“m better than this! Sure, it may be tough financially for a fairy boy like me who grew up deep within woods that rarely anyone can even visit, but I have to suck it up! There are more noble ways a hero can earn money than resorting to a life of crime. Maybe I can set up shop somewhere and sell fairies or something…â€



Don“t Get Distracted By Games!




“Alright, I“ve made it to Hyrule Castle Town at last! It“s been a rough adventure so far, and once I meet with Princess Zelda, we can stop this evil guy from wreaking havoc. Now let“s see… Well, I should go ahead and waltz on over to Hyrule Castle now… Oh look – GAMES! I love a fun game! Alright, let“s head into…


“Wait a minute, I can“t play games now! I have a duty to uphold. I know games are fun and can help ease the stress this journey has caused me thus far, but this is no time for that. And sure, it may help me financially if I can win at one of these games, but money and ammo aren“t going to help if the world gets taken over by the forces of evil. Unless, of course, I can use my rupees to sue him for all he“s worth…â€



Put Down That Fishing Rod!




“Alright, now that I“ve got a fishing rod, it“s finally time to… Wait, what am I thinking…? Hyrule is being taken over by the King of Evil and I“m actually thinking about fishing?! While I“m off fishing, anything could be happening. I could be here looking for that fabled Sinking Lure while Ganondorf destroys even more of this land.


“No, I can“t let myself get distracted like this! No matter how much I love to fish, there are more important things I must attend to. And no matter how hard I think about it, I“m pretty sure a fishing rod will have no effect on someone like Ganondorf. Unless, of course, it somehow slows him down during battle. Hm…â€



Don“t Mess With the Cuccos!




“Lon Lon Ranch, huh? I remember this place from when I was a kid. Yup, that horse is here too. Looks like she grew up since last time. And if I remember correctly, this place should have some – a-ha! Cuccos! Come here, you flightless little…


“No wait, am I serious? I did this last time, and back then I almost got myself killed. I really shouldn“t go messing with cuccos if I know what“s good for me. Seriously, they might even pose a greater threat than Ganondorf himself…â€


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