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Developer: Coffee Stain Publisher: Coffee Stain Platform: PC Release Date: April 1, 2014 Rating: N/A (T+ suggested) You've probably head the stories about it. You've even heard the legends and the myths. Since time immemorial (or whenever the YouTube videos surfaced), the world has been set ablaze with frenzy for Goat Simulator. What began as some sort of UE3 physics tech demo has been crafted into a perverse playground of pandemonium. Hoof firmly planted in cheek, Goat Simulator asks one question: Are you goat enough? Whatever you've heard about Goat Simulator, it's all true. There are scores of wacky secrets and hidden goats to uncover by rampaging around and blowing things up. For a game that's $10 and couldn't be more of a $10 game, there's a surprising amount of Easter eggs scattered around for you to unlock. My favorite is the Demon Goat after you've done a certain activity at a certain place. To tell you would spoil the hilarity but believe me, it's amazing. Especially when you get the Demon Goat and start hurtling through the air like a haywire missile. Wrecking stuff to earn combos and massive points is all there really is (and needs to be) to Goat Simulator. There are some collectible statues and cool locations on the game's one map but once you finish finding everything, you've seen just about all the game has to offer. Amazingly, a free map and new goats are in the works so don't cancel your imminent Steam order just yet. At $10, you're already getting a ridiculously comedic romp that's perfect for showing off to your friends. Oh, and local multiplayer is in the works. Just try and imagine that. Obviously this game is insanely buggy. While most other titles would be panned for glitches, Goat Simulator revels in them. They produce the weirdest and most amusing moments, like falling through the ground for no reason. The game also isn't a looker but I doubt you're playing this for fancy next-gen graphics. You're here for the comedy, and boy does it deliver. Goat Simulator revels in its own stupidity. If you enjoy slapstick comedy and absurdity to the extreme, this is absolutely a must-own. It's so terribly awful and hilarious that it's practically begging to be played through. The low price and upcoming content packs mean you really have no excuse not to goat this a try. It'll crash (for which there's an achievement) and there's virtually no depth to it, but Goat Simulator succeeds at what it set out to do. Plus, trading cards. What's not to like? I'd tell you more about the game but you need to experience it for yourself. Words don't do the insanity justice. If you've ever hated or feared goats, this ain't the game for you. Otherwise, click that buy button and prepare yourself for an experience unlike any other goat. Pros: + You play as a goat + It's $10 + Free content updates + It's buggy Cons: - It's buggy Now, perhaps you've scrolled down to find some sort of score on this here review. Since Goat Simulator is less a game and more an idiotic sandbox of bedevilment that I can't actually assign a score to, I'll let my words of wisdom above show you the way. The description above should help you to decide whether or not Goat Simulator is for you. If it's not sufficient, feel free to throw angry comments and/or goats at me. Goat Simulator is as stupid as it looks, but that's why it's brilliant. Experience it for yourself and let me know what you think! Disclosure: This game was reviewed using a digital copy that was purchased with the reviewer's own funds.
Devloper: Necrophone Games Publisher: Adult Swim Games Platform: PC (Steam) Release Date: February 7, 2014 Rating: None (T suggested) I like to laugh. A lot. So much so that I've often been compared to Woody the Woodpecker, with his obnioxusly infectious giggle. Jazzpunk had me rolling in fits of Woody the Woodpecker giggles. Published by Adult Swim and coded by the genius monkeys at Necrophone Games, Jazzpunk is like a psychedelic 007 tale spun by Mel Brooks or Monty Python and painted in art-deco '50s art. It's short, sweet and jam-packed with more in-jokes and sight gags than you can shake a stick at. The general premise is that you play Polyblank, an agent for a mysterious spy agency that carries out various missions. The Director, a drunkard and possibly hallucinogenic freak, gives you Missionyl pills to enhance your reality and send you on your way. What initially begins as a caper to infiltrate a random Russian Embassy will quickly have you assassinating cowboys with blowfish and beating up Hondas in a first-person Street Fighter parody. I didn't understand any of what was going on, but that isn't the point. Jazzpunk is about embracing absurdity to its very limit. If you played Jazzpunk like a linear, objective-styled game as you're ordered to, the experience would be blindingly short. The better method is to go off the reservation and explore the various environments for fun mini-games and Easter eggs. I ran around a luxurious robot-operated beach resort and played a game of Wedding Quake (yes, it is what it sounds like), hunted for metallic plunder with a metal detector on the beach, drank shots of something lasered out of a robotic bartender's eye and squirted cheese spray on the face of an aristocrat. It's completely off-kilter and hilarious, designed to catch you off-guard at a moment's notice. Completing missions will usually return you to the agency office, housed inside an empty metro station. The more you play, the more surrealist the subway station and in-game levels get. As you might imagine, nothing is as it seems in the world of Jazzpunk. I won't spoil what few, cryptic plot details there are but you'll enjoy the way Necrophone plays with spy tropes and perverts them to amusing effect. No noir-spy plot detail is left unscrewed with. Even though I finished the game in about 2 hours, I'm absolutely certain I missed my fair share of mini-games and jokes. I apparently didn't smuggle a pigeon from one level to another, and the game happily reported I missed out on quite a few awesome-sounding minigames. Are all of the game parodies and distractions fantastic? Of course not, but their inclusion is a welcome addition. You'll get a chuckle out of Gravy Racer (a riff on Wave Racer) the first time you sail gravy dishes in a thick brown liquid pool. The visuals and audio are some of the most immediately distinctive parts of Jazzpunk. Characters and environments are wonderfully whimsical in the vein of pop-art. The musical score and sound effects are light-hearted and harken back to, as you might have guessed, jazz musical acts. It's all very trippy, but in an entertaining way. I did encounter one instance of the game locking up and crashing on me but I didn't notice any other major bugs. Whether or not you get a kick out of Jazzpunk is entirely dependent on whether or not you fall in love with the game's sense of humor. It won't jive with everyone and some may feel the $15 price tag demands too much. From what I experienced, Jazzpunk is absolutely worth the scrap and practically begs you to give it a try. It's a relatively short game that only gets better with another playthrough. A few of the jokes fall flat but, overall, the writing is consistently brilliant and maintains its sense of absurdity the whole way through, even to the insane ending. Pros: + Frequently hilarious + Great sense of style + Visuals and audio + Strong writing Cons: - One or two glitches - It ended too soon Overall Score: 9 (out of 10) Fantastic Jazzpunk is the perfect comedy caper. Give it a whirl and you might just find yourself in love. A download code was provided by the publisher for this review