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  1. Given the long-winded nature of development on Tetsuya Nomura's games, it would seem to the regular fan that Kingdom Hearts III's release is still a way's off (at least another year or two), but according to Bill Farmer (Goofy's voice actor in the game), the much anticipated title may be closer to releasing than you think. Farmer mentioned on Twitter that Kingdom Hearts III would release in 2015, and after being pressed by a fan, he mentioned that that's what Square Enix keeps telling him. What's interesting about this is that he responded more than once about this to different fans, so it would seem he seems pretty certain about this. However, it's worth noting that, even with Farmer's quotes, a release in 2015 is far from confirmed at this point. Square Enix has yet to make an official announcement regarding the game's release, and while it's possible they may have projected for it to release in 2015 at some point, it could also just as easily (and very likely) be pushed back. In any case, take this with a grain of salt since it isn't official, but you can check out the Twitter exchange here. Source: kh13.com, @GoofyBill (via Twitter) Do you think Farmer could be right? Might we see Kingdom Hearts III in 2015 after all?
  2. This started out as a couple of dumb one-off jokes I made earlier today, but then I realized...why not go further with it? Why not make it a number of dumb jokes? Why not indeed. So, in today's post, I'll be talking about some upcoming video games that are taking way too long to come out. But not just that - I'll also be revising their names to more accurately portray their current state and poking a little fun at them along the way. I've got my poking stick set to "stun" and my jokes set to "kill," so let's get this thing on the road! Agent Revised name: Undercover Agent This is literally the game's entire existence. Do you remember Agent? No? No one does, so if you said yes, go sit in time out, Mr. or Ms. Pants on Fire. It was announced in 2009 or so, and since then there's been nothing - total radio silence. Suffice it to say, it appears Agent has gone deep undercover, so until Rockstar pulls him from active duty, he won't be seen in the public eye unless he's in disguise. Let's just hope Momma Agent doesn't get a letter saying he was KIA. Final Fantasy XV Revised name: Final Fantasy 2015, At the Earliest Revised revised name: Pretty Boys with Sharpened Toys At first they were going to call it Final Fantasy Versus XIII, which is a heck of a mouthful. Makes sense to shorten the title a bit, especially after it's completely failed to show up on store shelves since its announcement in 2006, right? But Squenix wasn't just shortening the name, they were telling us something. Something to do with 15...what does it mean? Well, I've deduced that it means 2015 is the absolute earliest we'll see this game on store shelves. So if they rename it to FFXVI, be prepared to wait another couple of years, at least. The Last Guardian revised name: The Last Guardian of the PS3's Legacy "Woof! I mean...meow! I mean...hold on, let me think about this." Let's pretend for a moment that The Last Guardian is still coming to PS3, because that may be the only way for some of you to hold back the tears. Got rid of the sniffles yet? Good, let's move on. The Last Guardian has been "in development" for a while, being announced in 2009, and has always been slated to come out on PS3. Since it looks like the PS3's lifetime will expire before this game ever comes out, I've taken the liberty of crowning it the Guardian of the PS3's Legacy. Once every PS3 game that will ever be released has come out, ol' Trico will finally spread his wings and soar onto the system to secure the console's legacy with one final, amazing game. Unless it turns out to be terrible, like most games that stew in development hell for years, but let's just do what it takes to keep from crying and hope for the best. Beyond Good & Evil 2 Revised name: Beyond Good Graphics and Evil Executives 2 Still waiting. BG&E was a fan favorite and a critical success, but it didn't really do well commercially, so fans were ecstatic when it was announced the game was getting a sequel in 2008. And yet now they've been waiting...and waiting...and waiting. At this point, I'd like to think that by the time the game finally does come out it will have amazingly advanced graphics, probably powered by the Playstation 5, Xbox Two, and Wii U Me, and the developers will have finally found a way to convince the publishing bosses that the game will turn a profit. Prey 2 Revised name: A Longer Development Cycle than Prey, 2 Now with twice the prey! Prey 2 was announced in 2011 or so, but they've been pretty quiet since Bethesda told everyone that it was being polished up to their standards. What standards those are, exactly, we'll never know, but it probably involves releasing it with a host of hilarious glitches. In any case, the original Prey took around 12 years to finally see the light of day, and while Prey 2 has only gotten a few years in, the complete lack of any new info points to the developers trying to match or exceed that cycle. I'm pretty sure at that point it stops being "development hell" and turns into "development hell frozen over." Kingdom Hearts 3 Revised name: We Ran Out of Kingdom Hearts Spinoffs 3 I'm confused about those 3 things behind the logo too, Sora. It finally happened. After so many long years, we finally have confirmation. It's what we all expected, all hoped, all secretly knew. And our waiting has paid off as Square Enix has revealed...that it has finally run out of Kingdom Hearts spinoffs. Half-Life 3 Revised name: No-Life 3 While you wait, enjoy this mockup that took someone literally seconds to make. Because people who are still going around looking for clues of this game's existence have no life. That, and the game itself doesn't have a life, since it doesn't exist. It's a double whammy of painful realization! Starcraft: Ghost Revised name: Starcraft: Ghost I don't know if this is an actual screenshot. No one remembers what the game looks like. Oh, wait. Some of you may be saying that these are the same games I featured in a past article (welcome back, Señor or Señora Pantalones de Fuego) but I talked about them differently this time, so it makes it new. So nyah. So what do you think? Did I hit the nail on the head with my revised names? Do you have a better name for any of these? Or do you not care either way and just want to sound off in the comments about something else? Whatever the case, head on down there and speak your mind!
  3. Kingdom Hearts III was arguably one of the biggest announcements during Sony's E3 press conference on Monday, but the brief trailer leaves much to the imagination in terms of actual details regarding the game. Of course, we can't expect tons of info since the game is still in development; we still don't even know exactly how far into development it is, but the lack of any real story scenes seem to indicate it's fairly early-on in the cycle. Here are a few things we do know regarding it, however. So What's It About? If you haven't been following the storyline at all, this will tread slightly into spoiler territory, so skip to the next question if you want to avoid spoiling any of the story thus far. In Kingdom Hearts III, the game once again focuses on an older Sora as he and Donald and Goofy journey to different Disney-themed worlds in order to stop antagonist Master Xehanort from starting a war against the tyranny of light, which the latter believes will restore equilibrium to light and darkness. The specific plot of the game has Sora, Donald, and Goofy searching for the Seven Guardians of Light and the Key To Return Hearts while Riku and King Mickey search for previous Keyblade wielders. What Disney-Themed Worlds Will Be In It? Square Enix won't say just yet, but according to a representative from Disney, the game is confirmed to feature worlds that have yet to be seen in the series. Siliconera reportedly asked if Pixar worlds would be in the game to which they said they couldn't comment at that at this time. Will There Be Multiplayer This Time? Funny you should ask. In the Q&A segment at E3, Nomura was asked the same question and he mentioned that it was under consideration. He also mentioned online possibilities as well, so if they decide to go ahead with it, online multiplayer could be in Kingdom Hearts' future. So Is This The Last Kingdom Hearts Then? Not definitively, but this will be the last game in the Xehanort saga, according to series creator Tetsuya Nomura. Where the series goes after that is unknown, but Kingdom Hearts is a huge success for Square-Enix and Disney so you can expect them to carry on with more games and expand the mythos in the future. What Team Is Developing it? Square Enix revealed yesterday at a Q&A session (via Siliconera) that it isn't the original Kingdom Hearts team, who are now hard at work (along with Kingdom Hearts series creator Tetsuya Nomura) on Final Fantasy XV. Instead, the Osaka studio, which worked on Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep, Kingdom Hearts 3D, and most recently, Kingdom Hearts 1.5 HD Remix, are hard at work on the much anticipated third installment. What Platforms Is It Coming To? Kingdom Hearts III is only confirmed to be coming to PS4 and Xbox One at the moment. Initially, it was thought to be PS4-only when it was revealed at Sony's pre-E3 conference, but Square-Enix later clarified the game was indeed making its way to Microsoft's next-gen console as well. No Wii U Release? The game is said to make use of DirectX 11, which raises the question of whether a Wii U release would even be possible since it's currently unclear whether the Nintendo console is capable of the graphics equivalent. Still, a Wii U release would seem like a probable situation in the future if sales and the install base pick up for the fledgling console. It would certainly make sense given the fact that the Kingdom Hearts fanbase is almost equally split between Sony and Nintendo due to four of the games being on Nintendo handhelds (GBA, DS, and 3DS, respectively), so don't rule it out entirely just yet. And that's what we know so far. Hopefully it won't be too long before we get more details. If there's a time and place for that, we'll most likely hear more at the Tokyo Game Show later this year, so keep your eyes and ears peeled for additional information there. Are you looking forward to Kingdom Hearts III?
  4. If you think that Final Fantasy XV and Kingdom Hearts III will be PS4 exclusives, then think again! Square confirmed during their conference today that both titles will also be available on the Xbox One. This means that Final Fantasy XV loses the Sony exclusivity back when it was called Versus XIII, and also marks the first time a Kingdom Hearts game will be on a Microsoft platform. Which version of these games will you grab?