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Found 5 results

  1. Jordan Haygood

    CD-i Link

    From the album: Kaptain's Gallery

    © Nintendo

  2. April Fools! Oh wait… I haven“t actually said anything yet. Well it“s too late now, so let“s just cut to the chase… *ahem* It“s that time of year again, where jerks everywhere lie to your face and pranks get pulled left, right, and center to make everyone feel like…well, fools. And remember that we got that one year? Yeah, hopes get crushed too, so be on guard. Speaking of which, there are times when video games see loads of hype, only to be met with utter disappointment. Then there are games that simply seem like terrible ideas and games that were actually decent ideas but developed by a team of fools. But out of the pile of pure crap, there are plenty of failures that just make you laugh, whether due to them being funny in some way or causing you to lose your sanity (or both). So let“s take a moment and see what I think are the top 10 most hilarious video game failures at the moment. And if you don“t agree with this list, then just consider it an April Fools“ joke and shut it. #10: Duke Nukem is All Out of Gum... And Quality - Duke Nukem Forever (PC, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Mac) - We waited 15 years for something truly special. Fail to the king, baby. I was 6 years old when Duke Nukem Forever was first announced. I turned 21 the year the game was actually released. This makes Duke“s latest adventure a prime example of a game that goes through development hell and back. Unfortunately, this kind of hell wasn“t able to make Duke Nukem Forever a good game by any means. It still manages to give me a pretty good laugh, though. Not because it“s a humorous game, but because I can“t help but laugh at how bad a game that took 15 years to make turned out. #9: Shaq Gets Lost in a Fighting Game - Shaq-Fu (Genesis, SNES) - Someone somewhere thought this was a game that needed to be made. Once upon a time, someone thought basketball all-star Shaquille O“Neal needed to star in a fighting game of his own. Yep, that happened. This was back in the SNES/Genesis era, when the world was graced with Shaq-Fu, and boy did it turn out well. Not only was the game placed on countless “worst games of all time†lists, but… Well, just look at it. It was such a bad idea poorly executed that it“s nearly impossible not to laugh. In fact, there“s even a website (Shaqfu.com) dedicated to making the game nonexistent. Guess the fighting style of Shaqido isn“t all that great after all… No, that“s actually Shaq“s own fighting style in the game, I Shaq you not. #8: Night Trap is One Lousy Trap - Night Trap (Sega CD, 3DO) - It's survival horror. In this case, the goal is to survive playing the game. Admittedly, I“ve never actually played the supposed survival horror title Night Trap, but from the footage I“ve seen of it, it seems more hilarious than horrifying. Utilizing nothing but full-motion video scenes (and some gameplay too, I guess), this game just looks plain silly to me. It“s also apparently pretty terrible (aside from the acting), seeing how it appears in a few “worst games of all time†lists. Not only that, but Night Trap was also extremely controversial, resulting in a US Senate hearing and the game being withdrawn from the market. In fact, this game is well-known as being partially responsible for the establishment of the ESRB ratings system. The more you know… #7: Sonic the Hedgehog's Mid-Life Crisis - Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) (PlayStation 3, Xbox 360) - "WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT IS MY LIFE?!" In 2006, something extraordinary happened. Intending to reboot the franchise for some reason, Sonic Team created Sonic the Hedgehog“s first HD adventure for his 15th anniversary. The thing is, this game, simply titled Sonic the Hedgehog (though most people just call it Sonic 2006 or Sonic '06), was facing some problems during development and ended up being rushed for Christmas 2006. What we got was an amazing game…at least if you want a good laugh. The game is so bad that seeing all its faults makes you both laugh out loud and lose a little bit of your sanity. And boy, just cracks me the hell up… #6: Charlie's Angels? More Like Charlie's Demons - Charlie's Angels (PlayStation 2, GameCube) - I guess every convict gets their own wrench. Speaking of the Game Grumps, the first time I ever saw the Charlie“s Angels game for GameCube and PS2 was . I was surprised by just how bad the game is, but it“s the kind of bad that makes you require a bladder transplant afterward (you know, because of how much laughing you do as a result). I think GameTrailers summed it up pretty nicely when they ranked this game #1 on their list of the Top 10 Worst Movie Games of All Time: "The game is degrading, not to women, not even to video games, but to humanity itself." #5: Big Rigs Crash and Burn - Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing (PC) - Yeah, just drive up that cliff; that doesn't break any traffic laws. Or game-developing laws. While we“re on the topic of shows, I saw a rather interesting game on X-Play (R.I.P.) once called Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. That game… Oh boy, that game… it“s hard to even call it a game. It“s hard to even consider that thing a demo. Big Rigs is a completely buggy, completely incomplete game with horrific… well, horrific everything, really. The whole game just seems like a joke, with even the victory screen having a severe lack of spell check and telling the player “YOU“RE WINNER !†Maybe I am winner, maybe not. Point is, this game“s flaws make it so friggin“ hilarious it“s crazy. #4: Aquaman Sinks to the Depths of Awful - Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis (GameCube, Xbox) - Nice mullet. Wait… What the hell happened to Aquaman“s hand?! While Aquaman was never exactly seen as the coolest of superheroes, he deserved better than the GameCube/Xbox game Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis. Boasting pretty appalling graphics and some of the worst controls known to man-fish, this is one terrible, horrible, no good, very bad game. But hey, that doesn“t mean you can“t squeeze some enjoyment out of it. You just have to accept how bad it is, point your finger, and laugh to its face. In fact, , so if you want to laugh your lungs out without having to actually play the thing, I suggest checking it out. #3: Superman Has One Too Many 'Kryptonites' - Superman (N64) - Remember: DON“T drink and fly. Another superhero that deserved better is our good pal Superman. Hitting the lowest point of his life on the Nintendo 64, the Man of Steel had the misfortune of starring in 1999“s Superman, also known as Superman 64. This game is fairly well-known among the gaming community, namely for being bad enough to be dubbed “The Worst Game of All Time†by many a game critic (IGN, GameSpot, GameTrailers, etc.). And it certainly didn“t help that the developers weren“t even allowed to have the player fight real people, forcing them to go the virtual world route. Well actually, it did help make the game even more hilarious, and while the game is certainly frustrating as hell to play, seeing how bad it is gives you an odd sense of enjoyment. #2: E.T. the Extra-Terrible - E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (Atari 2600) - Just like in the movie. You know that video game industry crash that happened in 1983? Well that, my friends, was thanks in part to our little buddy E.T. When the Steven Spielberg film E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (you know the one, or else you“re lying) was released, Atari coded a video game adaptation for it in just five weeks in order to release it in time for the holidays. Obviously, five weeks wasn“t enough to make anything decent. But Atari thought that maybe people would buy them anyway out of brand loyalty. Not only did that strategy result in one of the biggest entertainment disasters ever, but Atari met its downfall as well. As for the games, many of them are said to now reside in a New Mexican landfill. Talk about a bad game... #1: Nintendo Meets the CD-i - Link: The Faces of Evil / Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon / Zelda's Adventure / Hotel Mario (CD-i) - Red potion is some strong stuff. Yeah, yeah, a game getting bulldozed into a landfill is funny and all, but that“s nothing compared to the hilarity that ensued once Nintendo let Phillips use its IPs for their CD-i system. If you“ve been around that thing called “The Internet,†you may have seen those famous scenes, or at least certain sound bites like “Dinner†and “Mah boy.†Of all the gaming failures throughout history, I can“t think of any more hilarious than these games. Seriously, while they may look bad to Nintendo, I find them all to be comedy gold. Now if you“ll excuse me, I“m off to bomb some dodongos…
  3. Jordan Haygood

    Zelda CD-i

    From the album: Kaptain's Gallery

    © Nintendo

  4. Sometimes you try and end up failing. Its nothing to be ashamed of though, its just a part of life. But there are other times where you don't put any effort into what you're doing at all or just draw a bad hand in history. So bad that you just wish you could expunge the memories of those events from the minds of everyone on Earth. Thankfully however, this is still impossible. And it seems Nintendo suffers the most from it's past. At least more than any other company. While it might not seem like it, Nintendo has had quite a number of problems with it's most popular series. Here are just four such examples. The Zelda Story That Exists Outside Of Time When you look at the official Hyrulian History Book, do you notice anything missing? No? Well then what about the Zelda CD-i games? Do those not count as canon Zelda stories!? Well, probably not considering they were made with nearly zero input from Nintendo. The only thing Nintendo actually had to do with the game's was suggesting how the characters looked. Nothing past that was their problem. Why might that be? Well, you're probably aware of the story of Sony and Nintendo working together to make a game console that took discs instead of cartridges. History tells us that things simply didn't work out between the two. But Sony wasn't the only company that failed to make Nintendo's first CD based console. So wait, Nintendo helped design these?! Enter the company Phillips, who were also trying to collaborate with Nintendo on a game changing console. Of course they failed too, but not before getting the rights to make a series of Zelda games on the Phillips CD-i, just to see how it worked out. Here is where the problems came in. The CD-i was not a dedicated game console. It could play games, but it certainly wasn't it's main function. On top of this difficulty in programming, Phillips decided having access to one of Nintendo's main franchises wasn't that big of a deal and only set aside $600,000 and a single year to make two of their three games. The rest is history. Awful awful history. Nintendo refuses to acknowledge the game's timeline and considers them completely separate stories from the rest of the Zelda timeline which is understandable, but imagine how hilarious it would have been if they got their own section in the Hyrule Historia. It would have been hysterical. Nintendo Owns The Rights To Mario Brothers Porn Oh geez, I'm going to have to bombard my search history from orbit once I'm done researching this, but it must be known. Nintendo owns the rights to a Mario Brothers pornography series. Those movies are the Super Hornio Brothers. This just about sums it all up. And Nintendo owns them. Not because Nintendo made them of course, but because they plan to hate them out of existence. And the only way to do that is to own the rights to them. Nintendo bought the rights to the movies and halted all production on both of them. It is said that Miyamoto also actively searches for copies to destroy in his spare time [okay, that's probably not true]. While the movie is virtually impossible to find, there are still a few backalley websites that will randomly stream them to anyone who wants to have the honor of seeing an official Nintendo porno. I could go more into the details like how Ron Jeremy is dressed as Mario but he plays Luigi, but I really just want this section to end. You have the name so leave me alone! Nintendo Dodges A Mike Tyson Shaped Bullet Mike Tyson's Punch-Out was a great game. Sure it was pretty super racist, but at least the characters were memorable and the game play was fun. Apparently Nintendo understood this, so when they released Punch-Out!! on the Nintendo Wii it wasn't that much of a surprise to see all of those stereotypical boxers make a triumphant return. All except for Mike Tyson of course. There's a legitimate reason for that though. The contract Nintendo signed with Mike Tyson was only to last three years. Sure they could have just paid him more money to keep his name attached to the game, but you have to remember something. How could they have possibly known things would go bad? Mike Tyson was arrested on the charges of rape right when his contract expired with Nintendo in 1991. Instead of negotiating a new contract with an accused rapist, Nintendo decided to replace his character with a new boxer named Mr. Dream (and then once again with Mr.Sandman) Imagine where the Punch-Out series would be today if Nintendo had signed a new contract with Mike Tyson before things started going bad for the boxer in the eye of the media. I'll tell you where it would be. Buried out in the desert somewhere with E.T. Where Is Captain N? Seriously, where is he? There have been three Smash Brothers games released and he hasn't appeared in a single one (even as a trophy or a sticker). This is despite the fact that the Captain N series was responsible for bringing Nintendo's properties together in one place seven years before Smash Brothers even released. So why hasn't he appeared yet? He practically has all of his moves already set up. All of his weapons for the TV show would make sense and he has a reason for being there, to find the equally vanished Princess Lana. And there's no telling how many doors this could open story-wise in the next game. He's probably up on the Moon with Mega Man Imagine if Nintendo was able to get Captain N, Simon Belmont and Mega Man all together in the game. And trust me, that isn't that much of a stretch. Konami has already gotten one of their characters in the game and we already know Capcom is more than happy with crossovers. Having the whole group back together would add so much to the game's story it just hurts. SO WHY HASN'T NINTENDO ACKNOWLEDGED THIS!? Why have they never even hinted at Captain N being in any of the games!? He's perfect for the series and Nintendo knows it. The only problem would be all of the red tape surrounding the last season of the series, but Nintendo really needs to try, and I'm sure most of you would agree. As always, thanks for reading.